Raising Rural Runges: Home ALONE

Jacob - 6th, Keeley - 3rd, Katelyn - Kindergarten

So today is the first day that all 3 of our kids are in school ALL DAY LONG. You know how you see all those pics of parents celebrating the fact that school has started? Ya, that's not me. I have been dreading this day ALL summer. I love having 5 brothers and sisters and for the majority of our years at home, mom was the one home taking care of us. We never experienced daycare and our house was always open to kids who needed a place to be - hey, once you get past 6 what's a few more?!? I have always known I wanted to be a mom. Luckily Scott discovered he has a love for children as well - we'd have a dozen if we could afford it!

I used to have a "real" job before I got married and became pregnant. When I was 8 months along with Jacob my division was sold off and my position was moved to an office with an hour commute each way. Knowing Scott works A LOT of hours and we didn't want to have a baby to have it in daycare from 7 am to 6 pm, I quit. Leaving a job with constant human interaction and being home alone all day was a tough and emotional gig. Even after Jacob was born, it was still really weird to not have adult interaction. Within the first few weeks after Jake's birth we had a visit from the "Welcome Baby" coordinator. She suggested giving Early Childhood Family Education a shot. We took Jake to "Babies" class once a week and it was a wonderful place to meet the other parents in town who have a child the same age and re-connect with friends we went to high school with who were also new parents.

Over the last 11 years we attended all of the classes offered with all of our kids and became more involved with the ECFE Advisory Board - throughout the years I've held both the secretary and president positions. It was a very emotional night when Kate completed "Kindergarten Connection" which concluded not only my children's time at ECFE but also mine.

Don't get me wrong, I'm very involved in their schools and will continue to be there every step of the way....BUT IT'S NOT THE SAME!!!! With the exception of a few hours here and there and the occasional parents get-away I really don't spend much time without my kid(s). And I realize I'm weird because I LIKE it that way - sure I crave the sporadic break or one day without having to stop a fight but I truly love being with my kids.

NOTHING could have prepared me for my first round of 7 hours, 36 minutes, and 12 seconds of deafening silence alone in my house and realizing this is the new norm. Can you hear the crickets???? So what does a "stay at home mom" do when all her kids go to school for the first time? Easy - you cry. You cry the night before school even starts after you put them to bed. You cry before they get up in the morning. You make them omelets and fried egg sandwiches and take pictures and hug them and put them on the bus and bawl your eyes out behind your sunglasses as the bus pulls away.

If that torture isn't enough, you drive to school to watch your kindergartner get off the bus (so she'll be learning the bus routine with everyone else) so you can reassure yourself as well as your child that no one is lost in transit. I walked Kate into school, made sure she was settled, and lied to her before I left - "If you don't cry, I won't cry." She knew I was a liar because I was crying before I was out the door and she told me she knew I was crying when she got home.

I went home and cleaned the kitchen until my dear friend arrived a short time later with a couple of iced lattes so we could commiserate together the fact that each of our three children were now in school and we were both home ALONE. She barely made it in the door before a single glance sent us both headed for the Kleenex. We spent a couple hours catching up and then went our separate ways to get "busy with our new lives". I finished my empty hours doing paperwork, having an extremely quiet lunch with Scott, mowing the lawn, and making cookies for after school snack because "that's what stay at home mom's do" ;) !

I SO feel for ALL moms on this momentous kindergarten adjustment! For those of us at home sending our last ones out the door it is a really hard pill to swallow as you now feel this whole new need to justify who you are and what you do as you now have no one to care for during the school day and you have to deal with the silence. I'm thankful Scott is very supportive and reassures me that I'm not obsolete - I am free to spend my daytime hours doing my 2 part-time jobs from home and catch up with the house so that when they come home I'm able to spend all my time focusing on them. I pray we've raised our kids right as we release them out into the world once again and that they can make someone's day a little brighter while they're not "home with mom" anymore. Meanwhile, I'll watch the clock until 3:25 and listen for the rumble of the big yellow buses that bring my babies home to me and wait for their warm hugs and happy smiles...